Friday, November 30, 2007
Fuck.
That was the first word I thought of after I woke up from this..nightmare of a dream. Okay. Maybe a nightmare. But it wasnt one with monsters or ghosts and such. It is one which contains the past which haunts your future. It's wishful thinking and yet at the same time not what you should want at present. Am I making sense?
I wouldnt reveal what exactly happened per se here cos I think it's something which I'd really wanna put behind and get on with it. I allowed myself to think about it for the rest of the day after I woke up and confide in 2 of my closer girl friends and I hope perhaps after tomorrow I'd be all fine again. Cos there's really no effing point looking back at the memories. Theyre just fragments of memories captured by the brains which decides to return to haunt the sleeping brain cos I kinda provoked the subject a few days ago. It just scared the shit out of me that the dream felt so real. It felt exactly like the past, though it was in a different setting. And I felt so damn protected like the bolster I have to hug every night so that I would feel safe and sleep comfortably. Fuck man. I just wish you didnt have to be that person. I wish it's any other person but you. Argh. Alright I'm gonna stop here cos really, I think it's damn crappy that it had to be you and I already walked away.
And another shit ass thing is, I told a friend, that I didnt want him to smoke. It's sad to see him do so. He's really a good boy and all. His personality is a really great one. And can you imagine a friend whom you think is a gem holding up a cigarette and building up fucked up tar in his lungs? You will never know what happens to your lungs cos you cant SEE what harm youre doing to them. So you keep smoking cos you dont know what the fuck is happening to your lungs. One more stick. Just one more. And then another and another and maybe I could say infinity until the lungs are hardened and you cant utilise your breathing mechanism anymore in future. That happened to my grandfather. The only warning or precaution or danger sign you get is from your friends or loved ones and yet, a deaf ear is turned most of da time. I dont want him, my friend, to fall as a victim like my gandfather. Not him, not my other close friends. That's why I tell myself I'll never pick up a cigarette ever. Thing is, my friend is going through a difficult period. I guess smoking is supposed to help him feel better. But what am I suppose to say? It's his outlet to feel better. I cant stop him. What else can I do but be really honest and show him that as a friend, I care? I didnt have to likelike him enough to be concerned (or rather simply put, this friendship is purely plationic) but I just feel concerned just as a friend because I feel he is just that good a person and he doesnt deserve to be a victim. I used to not say how I feel because I thought I'd respect that person's decision to do whatever he wants even if it's wrong. But I thought I'd open up a bit and give a bit of my thoughts and feelings in hopes that I may someway or somehow influence his decision even if I'm just a friend.
And I am not the only one with this issue. I feel you, Sister. I certainly dont feel sad as often as you do, but I got the taste of how you feel and it's truly upsetting.
Alright enough of this emo talk. Tomorrow Reg and I will be going to join the juniors for training at Mt Faber (: Havent bowled for.. 5 months? Haha gosh I think I'm so gna be a noob la. Seriously. Bet I wont have a roll, fingers may be too small for the finger holes, bowling balls will feel damn friggin' heavy, stamina will suck like hell, may prolly drop the ball during a swing.. But what the heck! I miss bowling. It was my passion, I loved it. I loved competing. I love the atmosphere-the hunger to win, the glory, the meeting of expectations, the adrenaline rush. I seriously have to thank the supporters from a rival school for giving me the drive (by provoking us and making me so fucking mad and I swore that I would beat them and let them eat our friggin' dust) which was most effectively channelled to me and my doubles' partner to win which was clear from our beating them HA! <-- gotta make it damn big man. It's really like a smack right in their faces, though I'd really like to thank them for that. Ha.
I miss the bowling attire too ): And Uncle Adam! And being with my teammates!
Watching Enchanted with Reg and the juniors after training (: Watched Hitman just now, twas great, I give it 4 stars out of 5! I loved Hitman himself. Haha. Omg he's absolutely charming. I am so sure we CANNOT find such a guy out there man. He's so restrained yet sexy at the same time. Lol. And innocent! Gosh I want him to be my man. Hahahahaha (what's with the thing with me and bald guys. Ami James!) Though erm, the tranquilising part is a tad bit too much. Hahahaha. We should send all the boys in this world somewhere else before they meet girls man! At first I thought the lead actor was Santiago Munez in Goal and Goal 2. Lols. Turned out theyre two different actors.
Okay gonna turn in now. Ive enough emo for today.
That was the first word I thought of after I woke up from this..
I wouldnt reveal what exactly happened per se here cos I think it's something which I'd really wanna put behind and get on with it. I allowed myself to think about it for the rest of the day after I woke up and confide in 2 of my closer girl friends and I hope perhaps after tomorrow I'd be all fine again. Cos there's really no effing point looking back at the memories. Theyre just fragments of memories captured by the brains which decides to return to haunt the sleeping brain cos I kinda provoked the subject a few days ago. It just scared the shit out of me that the dream felt so real. It felt exactly like the past, though it was in a different setting. And I felt so damn protected like the bolster I have to hug every night so that I would feel safe and sleep comfortably. Fuck man. I just wish you didnt have to be that person. I wish it's any other person but you. Argh. Alright I'm gonna stop here cos really, I think it's damn crappy that it had to be you and I already walked away.
And another shit ass thing is, I told a friend, that I didnt want him to smoke. It's sad to see him do so. He's really a good boy and all. His personality is a really great one. And can you imagine a friend whom you think is a gem holding up a cigarette and building up fucked up tar in his lungs? You will never know what happens to your lungs cos you cant SEE what harm youre doing to them. So you keep smoking cos you dont know what the fuck is happening to your lungs. One more stick. Just one more. And then another and another and maybe I could say infinity until the lungs are hardened and you cant utilise your breathing mechanism anymore in future. That happened to my grandfather. The only warning or precaution or danger sign you get is from your friends or loved ones and yet, a deaf ear is turned most of da time. I dont want him, my friend, to fall as a victim like my gandfather. Not him, not my other close friends. That's why I tell myself I'll never pick up a cigarette ever. Thing is, my friend is going through a difficult period. I guess smoking is supposed to help him feel better. But what am I suppose to say? It's his outlet to feel better. I cant stop him. What else can I do but be really honest and show him that as a friend, I care? I didnt have to likelike him enough to be concerned (or rather simply put, this friendship is purely plationic) but I just feel concerned just as a friend because I feel he is just that good a person and he doesnt deserve to be a victim. I used to not say how I feel because I thought I'd respect that person's decision to do whatever he wants even if it's wrong. But I thought I'd open up a bit and give a bit of my thoughts and feelings in hopes that I may someway or somehow influence his decision even if I'm just a friend.
And I am not the only one with this issue. I feel you, Sister. I certainly dont feel sad as often as you do, but I got the taste of how you feel and it's truly upsetting.
Alright enough of this emo talk. Tomorrow Reg and I will be going to join the juniors for training at Mt Faber (: Havent bowled for.. 5 months? Haha gosh I think I'm so gna be a noob la. Seriously. Bet I wont have a roll, fingers may be too small for the finger holes, bowling balls will feel damn friggin' heavy, stamina will suck like hell, may prolly drop the ball during a swing.. But what the heck! I miss bowling. It was my passion, I loved it. I loved competing. I love the atmosphere-the hunger to win, the glory, the meeting of expectations, the adrenaline rush. I seriously have to thank the supporters from a rival school for giving me the drive (by provoking us and making me so fucking mad and I swore that I would beat them and let them eat our friggin' dust) which was most effectively channelled to me and my doubles' partner to win which was clear from our beating them HA! <-- gotta make it damn big man. It's really like a smack right in their faces, though I'd really like to thank them for that. Ha.
I miss the bowling attire too ): And Uncle Adam! And being with my teammates!
Watching Enchanted with Reg and the juniors after training (: Watched Hitman just now, twas great, I give it 4 stars out of 5! I loved Hitman himself. Haha. Omg he's absolutely charming. I am so sure we CANNOT find such a guy out there man. He's so restrained yet sexy at the same time. Lol. And innocent! Gosh I want him to be my man. Hahahahaha (what's with the thing with me and bald guys. Ami James!) Though erm, the tranquilising part is a tad bit too much. Hahahaha. We should send all the boys in this world somewhere else before they meet girls man! At first I thought the lead actor was Santiago Munez in Goal and Goal 2. Lols. Turned out theyre two different actors.
Okay gonna turn in now. Ive enough emo for today.
♥ Zen @ 1:30 AM.
